Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
