i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
