I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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