i would punch a child for taco bell
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
