walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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