I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
