I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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