I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
