I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
