it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
