she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
