I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
