Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
