Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
