I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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