NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
