So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
