What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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