just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
