You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
