In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
