I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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