No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
