i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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