so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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