Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
