she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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