If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
