I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
