what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
