There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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