i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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