good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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