i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
