life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
