the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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