I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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