tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
