Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
