Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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