dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
