How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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