he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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