umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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