some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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