Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
