i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
