it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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