I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
