I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
