the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
