are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
