dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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