I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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