i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
