whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
