First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
is it fun? or sober?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
