apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
