I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just invented taco cereal.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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