and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
