so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
