i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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