I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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