I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
