apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Randomize
