At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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