First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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