i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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